Great Scot!

143rd annual Scottish Games today in Pleasanton, California. Lots of Scots.



He wants to make looking under the kilt easy for those of us who are curious;) I wonder just how long his stick is? No, the OTHER stick.



ROOTS! At long last I have found thee! Clan FUCK YOU is the American spelling.



Yeah, I guess we're all a bunch of clan fuckers.

The Dog Bite

My sister-in-law's family has a couple of those yappy little mutts. Recently, when my 14-year old niece took them for a walk, she stopped at a park to swing on the swing set. She tied the yappers to the post. A grown man approached the dogs, and before my niece could say, "Please don't pet the dogs they are nervous and obnoxious," he bent down and lo and behold, one of them bit him.

Of course, the grown man went into a tizzy. He got my sister-in-law's phone number and proceeded to file charges. This man also called the vet (the same vet we use) and demanded that the doctor leave surgery to take his call in regards to the dog's vaccination records. The doctor didn't oblige him immediately, which pissed him off even more. The doctor did return the phone call from childman, stating that the dogs, indeed, were well-cared for and up to date on their shots.

The dogs were then taken down to the local authorities and had their "mug shot" taken. Can you believe it? Dogs with MUG shots! I didn't know if I should laugh or cry.

Do I like the yappy little mutts? No. However, I'm not so fucking stupid to approach dogs I am not familiar with in public places without asking the owner first. Childman gets my "asshole of the day" award. Just where is my camera when I need it?

Assicons

We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons' where:

:) means a smile and;
:( is a frown.

Well, how about some ASSICONS? Here goes:
(_!_) is a regular ass;
(___!___) is a fat ass;
(!) is a tight ass;
(_*_) is a sore ass;
{_!_} is a swishy ass;
(_o_) is an ass that's been around;
(_x_) kiss my ass;
(_X_) leave my ass alone;
(_zzz_) a tired ass;
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass;
(_$_) money coming out of his ass;
(_?_) a dumb ass;
(_jack_) a jack ass.

I wish I could take credit for this. Kudos to the person(s) who put this together. It made me chuckle.

Diet Gimmicks

So.... who doesn't want to shed a few pounds? Anyway, the advertisements on television and other media continue to promote products and pills that promise extra-ordinary results if you act now and take them up on their convenient and affordable payment plan of only $29.95 a month for three months. AND if you call within the next 10 minutes they will include Suzanne Sommers's Thigh Master Deluxe absolutely FREE!

I can't speak for other countries, but Americans are obsessed with diet and weight loss gimmicks that make it appear that purchasing their products is the magic bullet to reclaiming your youthful, slim teenage body. We are a nation of fat-so people, and we're getting fatter by the day! Pretty soon we'll all be like engorged wood ticks on the brink of explosion with teeny-tiny heads attached to large, roly-poly balls of a body. The image of Veruka Salt from the classic movie Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when she turns into a giant blueberry comes to mind. Jabba the Hut from Star Wars will be the norm.

Am I going to bash Valerie Bertinelli, Kirstie Alley and Queen Latifah for their sell out to the Jenny Craig weight loss empire? Hell yes! Am I going to bash all weight loss programs? Pretty much.

Again, and I hate to state the obvious, but there is no magic bullet for weight loss. All those programs and such being advertised are just money-making schemes for suckers too stupid to realize that eating McDonald's -- even without the cheese -- is likely to put on weight. I also hate to break it to you that cutting carbs out completely and other fads do not work long term.

Are you ready to hear the truth about weight loss? Here it is: diet + exercise. By diet I mean common sense stuff like portion control and such. By exercise I mean working up a sweat for 40 minutes 5 times a week. I know, it's boring, anti-climatic, and will take commitment and effort for the person aspiring results. It can't be purchased in pill or package form, either. That's why nobody pays attention.

Smoking Section

In my travels recently I stayed overnight at a smoke-free hotel. I took this photo right around the corner of the hotel facility. It must be where all the smokers congregate on break, ya think? ;)

Wedding Shakedown Part II: I Hit a Nerve

Wow... My e-mail was full of letters from people who are also sick of being cast as extras in Hollywood productions that masquarade as weddings. I did receive a couple of comments on my blog from CG and Heart, but I had no idea the nerve I hit until I opened my e-mail to the deluge of letters on the subject. I guess some people are just shy about leaving comments on blogs.

One person wrote, "I am also sick of receiving wedding invitations from people I hardly know. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I received an invitation recently to a wedding where I had never even MET the bride or groom. The groom's mother is a work acquaintance. I have no business being invited to a wedding where neither the bride nor groom recognize me."

Another wrote, "I'm so glad I'm not alone out there. It seems like so many couples these days are just trolling for cash and/or gifts."

Another wrote, "OMG, I thought I was a bitch for not appreciating the destination wedding gig. It sounds so glamorous and all. Couples planning a wedding need to put thought into what their guests can realistically afford in regards to not only money but also time needed to participate in and/or attend the wedding."

Quiet Rage is glad to open up the subject matter and bring it out of the closet. My advice to all still remains the same: Gracefully decline the wedding invitation, and send a card with sincere congratulations (no money enclosed). Maybe -- just MAYBE -- they will get the message that a sacred moment is not for profit.

Weddings: The Shakedown

Wedding season is in full swing. Wonderful. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total scrooge, and I really REALLY want people to be happy in couple-dom. I do love to attend weddings where I have a true connection to the bride and/or groom, or groom and groom, or the bride and bride, as such the case may be here in California. However, if I have have not seen you since your baptism, or have not had any contact with you for many, many moons OR you are a business associate, do me a favor and DO NOT invite me to your wedding OR your kids' weddings either for that matter. My feelings will not be hurt. Trust me. Save the postage on your ridiculous invitation riddled with instructions for gift registries, nearby hotel accommodations, shuttle service, the wedding website, and, of course, where to send cash. You know where you can put it.

More and more, I receive invitations to weddings where I feel like nothing more than a background extra in an over-blown, over-budget Hollywood production. I feel like I'm attending a play rather than witnessing a sacred moment between two people -- none of it feeling authentic. Everything feels contrived and staged right down to the garter toss and Uncle Bob doing the Chicken Dance to music louder than a sonic boom.

The wedding invitations sent to me sometimes don't include spouses and/or children. Another reason not to bother sending it. Time with my family is the most sacred thing on earth. Don't ask me to give it up. We are a package deal.

Another type of wedding where I have received invitations to are "destination" weddings, or theme weddings. Spare me. No, I don't want to fork out $3,000 to fly to Hawaii for your beach wedding and give up precious, sacred vacation time to boot. And no, I don't want to give up an entire weekend for your "wine country" wedding. Oh, you're also expecting a GIFT on top of it all as your tacky invitation instructed. Oh...but wait.... daddy's paying for the travel expenses you say? Still, please feel free to leave me out. We all have jobs, families, pets, homes, chores, and perhaps our own personal commitments. Not all of of us want to (or are able to) leave home and travel (or be gone overnight) without incurring a huge inconvenience.

Believe it or not, despite what your over-paid wedding planner is filling your head with, the world is not awaiting your wedding with bated breath. The only people who really care are your parents and yourselves. Spare us the details of the planning. Blathering on about your wedding plans and details will send anybody over the edge. We don't want to read your wedding blog/website, either -- even if it does have photos. NOBODY CARES!

Let's not get started on the public shakedown. I shit you not there was a wedding where the bride had money pinned to her dress by the men in attendance as they went up to dance with her. That is just wrong on soooooo many different levels. Is the bride for sale? Is there a bidding war? Is the bride a prostitute? Was more spent on the wedding than what could be afforded? Is this peer pressure in attempting to escalate the dollar denominations pinned to the wedding dress by publicly one-upping each other? Please, stop! I don't want to know....

Yes, I will RSVP to your wedding invitation in a timely manner. However, I'm sending my regrets. You will get a card from me congratulating you and wishing you all the best -- and I truly *truly* mean that. Just don't bother shaking the card to see how much money falls out.

Martha Stewart

There is a woman I know who has (on the surface) the perfect house, perfect kids, perfect job, etc. All of her Christmas shopping is done by Labor Day. All Christmas presents are wrapped in color coordinated paper and methodically placed under the tree. Everything in the garage has a place with a corresponding color-coded label and plastic bin. There is never anything out of place -- EVER. When I initially got to know this family, I have to admit to feeling twinges of jealousy.

Anyway... despite the perfect facade this family portrays to the public, there has always been a creepy vibe that intuitively told me that things were about to crack just under the surface. Being over there has always made me feel nervous. After all, who could be that PERFECT? It was surreal.

Today a mutual friend told me that the wife had a nervous breakdown.

Bush at the Olympics

Given that the idiot only looks at things from his own myopic, egocentric viewpoint, this photograph makes perfect sense. What a dumbass.

FlyWriter

FlyWriter came down for a visit this weekend. It had been a long, long time since we were able to get together to eat, consume large quantities of wine, and bitch about what's wrong with the world. Ahhhhh, if ONLY everybody could be like US! HA!

In the marathon venting process that lasted until the wee hours of the morning, FlyWriter provided me with more blog material than I could ever dream up on my own. Sadly, it's all true life experiences... Yes, the world is full of obnoxious, ignorant assholes. We couldn't decide if we should laugh or cry. We did a little of both. The variation of stages of human evolution that exist within the human race are too much to take at times. At least FlyWriter can help me progress forward from being constantly pissed off at the a-holes to laughing at them. I suppose my next step at some point is to pity them for they don't know how stupid and obnoxious they really are. LOVE YA, FLYWRITER!!!

Opening Ceremonies 2008

It's fun to watch the Olympics. I also enjoy watching the opening ceremonies. The refresher course in geography is especially useful for identifying countries like Kazplakistan.
Anyway... the Dutch always wear orange (see photo above -- dig the orange ties) when representing their country. Why? Because of William of Orange. Who is William of Orange? Well, read up on it to figure it out and why he's such a big deal to the Dutch. I just threw that in there for dad who I know reads this. The legacy LIVES!

Like Pot???

Yeah.... lots of people in California do. I saw this sign cruising around the county today. It made me laugh.

High Tech Stuff!

Wow!! Stuff certainly has gone 'high tech' on me. I have my environmentally friendly, energy efficient, green clothes dryer.....
AND.... I have dental floss that with regular use will laser off plaque like Luke Skywalker's light saber!
HOLY SHIT!

Why China Is So Polluted

I was at a party supply place the other day. It was filled wall to wall with cheap, plastic crap made in China. The lesson was trying to teach my daughter that there is a connection with the pictures of China and the massive pollution and to the goods for sale at this store.

BBQ Gone Bad

Tonight we attended a rather large BBQ party. It was a lot of fun until the end when one of of the women guests got into it with another female guest. The topic was GATE (gifted smart kids education). I did not hear any of the preluding conversation that led to the confrontation, but all of a sudden I heard, "You are RUDE. You made a RUDE comment."

It quickly digressed from there. Fingers were a' pokin' and accusations were a' flyin'. It was just like a scene from Jerry Springer vs. Judge Judy.

Yikes. Talk about Soccer Moms Gone Bad. Seems to be a theme going on here this past week or so. One of the women came over to me like I was supposed to jump in with some Quiet Rage comment to shut things up. I had nothing of intelligence to offer. Instead I just listened and nodded my head -- wine glass in hand. I was not about to jump into a heated argument between two drunk women at a large party when I knew nothing about what led up to the confrontation. Fortunately, pretending to listen was enough to stave off a fight....

Good thing we had several off duty law enforcement men present at the party in case things got totally ugly. Never underestimate the rage of angry soccer moms. They will rip off your head and shit down your throat. Complete psycho bitches.

Random Images from My Day

This truck was parked at the Longs Drug Store parking lot. I almost wanted to hang around and wait for the owner so I could hug him/her.
The doggie electric toothbrush was the most ridiculous thing I ever saw. Definately for people who have way too much money on their hands.