Today's Angel

Sometimes I wonder exactly where heaven and earth are divided. A lot of times I think combinations of bits and pieces of each co-exist on our level of earthly existence. Could it be that we serve as angels to others? Could it be that others serve as angels to us?

Today I went to get my haircut using a gift certificate I had acquired some time ago at a local fund raising event for a service at a local salon. The woman who cut my hair has a son who has learning issues. When I told her about my own personal experience with a child with learning differences, she actually got chills and a tear welled up in her eye.

I told her that I had some really good resources and books I could lend her to help her get her child on the right track. She looked at me in total disbelief that a "stranger" would be willing to go the extra mile to help her out. I was. Being a parent who has "been there, done that" any help I could give another mom was worth it to me.

After I left the salon, I went back to my office and found three books on my bookshelf and a list of phone numbers that specifically related to the problems this woman was facing with her child. I walked back over to the salon and handed them to her. She was thrilled to receive concise, detailed information that directly related to her situation. When I handed them over to her, she began to weep.

I told her the only thing I wanted in return was for her to pass along the books and information to another parent and/or child in need.

Just for today I had the privilege of being an angel for somebody.

Self Examination

I wonder if anybody out there has ever read any portion of my blog and thought to themselves, "Gee, maybe I really am an obnoxious asshole and I should just shut the fuck up."

I can fantasize, can't I?

Sportsmanship

Yes, I blog about kids sports a lot. I suppose it's because I'm of "that age" in my life and that's what I'm dealing with. This is what I admire about sports. I find a lot of it spills over into other areas of life:

learning to win with grace
learning to lose with grace
the concept of fair play
dealing maturely with a bad call by the umpire
bringing out the best in all team mates, regardless of experience or talent
dealing with the disappointment of not making a play
dealing with the disappointment of a team mate not making a play
respect for those who volunteer their time to make it all happen
learning that tough competition is just that - tough competition
being part of something that more than just yourself

I think it's important kids learn how to be on a team -- the team doesn't have to be sport related. The situations present important lessons on human behavior. For instance, there will always be:

the bitchers
the whiners
the pushy ones
the lazy ones
the shit disturbers
.....and let Quiet Rage point out their obnoxious behavior....

Cleaning Chemicals: Sterile and Poisonous

I'm wondering how mankind has managed to live this long without the super-anti-bacterial-killing soaps and such we have today. The message the advertisements give us is that micro-scum should have done us all in by now. The tv commercials feature a typical stick-thin, yuppie mom complete with chemically whitened teeth and a boob job protectively wiping down counter surfaces with some form of toxic waste guaranteed to "kill 99% of all germs."

Never mind that upon contact with human skin this chemical will also remove fingerprints and disintegrate skin down to the bone, but damn, little Suzy is now safe and protected from the nasty little bacteria that is dangerously lurking everywhere poised and ready to attack. EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!

I'm all for cleanliness, but I think boiling water and other less invasive means of cleaning and sterilization are better than the vast amounts of chemicals we poison our environment with in the name of "cleanliness."

Homosexuals

Gay marriage is a big deal right now. The angry, hate-filled emotions aimed at gays from the general public is shocking. Why is the general public so twisted up over something that has nothing to do with them? Unless the general public is getting dragged into the bedroom to engage in the homosexual behavior they find so appalling, what's the fucking problem?

My attitude toward homosexuals is very not there. What I mean is that it doesn't matter to me whatsoever how they float their boat. It's such a non-issue to me. Who cares? Then you get the hate-filled assholes who decry about how being gay is just not natural and you just don't find such bizarre sexual behavior in the animal kingdom.

Well, your dog humping my leg isn't natural. But let's not get off on that subject. No pun intended. Nature's sexual freak show isn't limited to just humans.

I find the people who gripe and complain the most about gays are the ones who doubt their own sexual orientation.

No More Mylar Balloons

There is talk of banning the use of mylar balloons here in California. Big fuckin' deal. If you have not seen the movie "An Inconvenient Truth" I recommend doing so. Even if you don't believe in global warming, the damaging impact humans have on the environment is undeniable with the shit we consume and throw away.

What if everybody just consumed just a *little* bit less.... hmmmmmm.... what if we all made some minor changes and incorporated habits that would at least slow down the strangling of our mother earth? hmmmmmm..... What if we all agreed to stop using mylar balloons?

OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! What next? You would think the idea guilty of stripping away freedom. The outrage of banning balloons for crying out loud? Wow... the stupidity of the American population never ceases to amaze me. Parties and milestone events will never be the same without mylar balloons. Our happiness depends on it!

Come on, ditching the use of damaging balloons is such an easy thing to do for the betterment of all. This is no sacrafice in the big scheme of things, people. Just think of the sacrafices we'll need to make in 30 years or so when there is no drinking water or food because we've completely killed the earth with our selfishness? Hmmmmm.. population explosion and lack of resources.... or stop using mylar balloons and practice some form of birth control..... Quit twisting my brain with these tough choices!

Of course, the mylar balloon makers are now all up in arms over the proposed ban. Whaaaaa. If we can't deal with the politics of the lousy little balloon industry, no wonder we'll never even make a dent in the oil industry.

It's all about the choices we make. If we stop purchasing mylar balloons, the demand will disappear on its own and other tokens of celebration that don't damage the environment will come forth. It's the same with everything. Our small, individual choices drive "big business" even if we don't think so.

Foreclosure

Yup, this is a familiar scenario here in California. It's pretty sad. However, I can't help but think that the borrowers need to take some responsibility for the mess they're in.

I know of a family of three living in a 2,600 square foot house with six bedrooms. They've tapped the equity for home improvements. Guess what. They're now in foreclosure. Since when does a family of three *need* six bedrooms and 2,600 square feet of space? Do they want to downsize? Hell no. They want to find something similar to what they're living in now. Good luck.

A real estate buddy of ours is trying to talk us into purchasing a second home and renting it out. The theory is that rental demand is skyrocketing because people are getting kicked out of their homes because of foreclosures. My reply to him was, "If these people who got foreclosed upon were not paying the *bank* on time, what on earth makes you think they would pay *us* rent on time?"

No thanks....

Love/Hate Relationship with Technology

I have a love/hate relationship with technology. I love the convenience of e-mail and other modern communications. I also hate the convenience of it. I don't like to feel I'm on an electronic leash 24/7. Sometimes I just want to unplug.

As much as I'm a fan of e-mail, I can't stand receiving "e-vites" to parties or other mass, impersonalized announcements. I've just stopped responding to them. I don't mind a personal e-mail invitation from a good friend wanting to get together, but the mass circulation of "e-vite" invitations with no personalization or effort at all rubs me the wrong way. If my presence at the event really means something, call me or send me a note in the mail -- something, ANYTHING, that requires more effort than pressing the 'send to all' button. To add insult to injury, the "e-vite" has a tech nagger that prods you with more annoying e-mails to respond to the "e-vite" when ignored.

Here are things that should be banned from mass technical distribution to reduce the posting of useless blather nobody but the sender cares about:

invitations (If you really want me there, call me or send an invite snail-mail)
wedding websites (I mean, who really cares about how your arrangements are coming along and your color theme selections)
baby websites (send me a picture once in a while, but don't clog my inbox)
videos of Johnny's championship game (this really pisses me off -- takes forever to download)

See, sometimes getting things the old fashioned way via snail mail, phone call, and the like can create joy rather than dread on the part of the recipient.

The Crazy Therapist

I believe that most therapists are crazier than their patients. This is a true story.

My son used to carpool to school with a lady who was a marriage and family therapist. The car this woman drove had bumper stickers on the back with slogans like, "Peace" "Celebrate Diversity" and the like.

However, when this woman would get behind a slow moving truck on the curvy, hilly, two-lane back roads, she would start honking, swearing, and flipping the middle finger at the other driver. She then would proceed to attempt to pass the slower moving vehicle over a double yellow (illegal) line putting lives at risk to save a couple of minutes driving.

Maybe she needs a good therapist to help her with her "issues."

FUH Q

You know those annoying personalized license plates people have on their cars? People who have them think they're so damn cute and clever. Personally, they make me want to throw up. Most of them say stupid shit like, "IML8, or 2HOT4U, 49RFAN or some other lame shit. I'm going down to the California DMV tomorrow to get my own little personalized license plate for my car. It will state: FUH Q

Bored Yuppie Moms Going Overboard

This time of year seems to bring out the bored yuppie moms in droves. Being their existence hinges upon creating busywork for themselves and everybody within reach of e-mail, they must go full on with soliciting you to 'volunteer' and 'donate' for yet another overboard end-of-school-year celebration, and try to guilt you into complying by using the 'children' as the bait to suck you in.

These bored bitches make a fucking big deal out of EVERYTHING. The scene at school goes something like this.....

Bored Yuppie Mom: (chirping excitedly) Oh, I'm coordinating a class gift for the teacher. Although I didn't ask your opinion, or ask even if you wanted to participate or not, I'm now trying to hijack $20 from you to cover your share.

Quite Rage: (annoyed) Well, I already had something else in mind...

Bored Yuppie Mom: (undaunted) AND... we are coordinating a year-end class party, and we need volunteers to purchase and serve pizza, soft drinks, and wrap the entire world up in a fucking little bow and present it to the kids on a silver platter! Isn't that the best idea ever?

Quite Rage: (pissed off) Look, this year-end-celebration bullshit has been going on since Easter break, and it repeats itself a million times before the year is over. You bored Yuppie moms make a big deal out of everything. Not only have you convinced 6th graders that they're "graduating" and to expect a full-blown ceremony complete with regalia, you've managed to do it again when they complete 8th grade. By the time they actually *do* graduate from high school, it's nothing special other than they expect a constant stream of parties and gifts. All the significance has been lost and has been replaced with the notion that every time these kids take a shit the world is to stop revolving and throw them a party. Here's the 'best idea ever'.... Go home, turn on Oprah, pop your Prozac, and leave me alone.

Everything and Nothing

Some years back I took a cooking class. The instructor was rather funky. She drove a beat-up Volvo that was completely stuffed with so much shit I wondered how in the hell she managed to see where she was driving. She was a matronly 'hippie' complete with the flowing, rainbow colored garb and long beads. Her hair was unabashedly salt and pepper pulled back in a bun. I'm sure at one point, in her younger years, she was a Dead Head -- typical Northern Californian.

During the cooking class, and completely out of the blue, she announced she had an epiphany. She realized she was everything and yet nothing. She realized the vastness of the universe and how insignificant she really was, but at the same time realized how our small part plays an important part in the collective consciousness of mankind. We are all everything and nothing at the same time.

For whatever reason, this woman's 'epiphony' has resonated in my thoughts for some years now.

True Identity

There are 5 people on the face of this earth who know my true identity. I ran into two of them at a gathering tonight. They're both still speaking to me, so I suppose that's a good thing. And no, I'm not nearly as angry in person as I appear to be on this blog as both of them pointed out. Those who really know me realize this is my therapy to vent. No appointment necessary. All insurance accepted with no co-pays.

Kids Sports and Politics

I shouldn't even get started on this, as I will ultimately get myself worked up into a tizzy and want to shove somebody's head through a wall. If you have kids who play sports, I'm sure you've come to see that the kids are great -- it's just their whiny, know-it-all parents who should be lined up and shot.

God help you if you've ever volunteered your time coaching. My hat is off to you folks. My hat is off to you if you're not one of those control-freak-asshole-the-win-is-everything-type, that is.

Here's why I would be banned from coaching. The dialog would go something like this:

Whiny Parent: How come Johnny isn't playing first base? That's his position, you know.

Quiet Rage Coach: Well, Johnny needs to work on some things. We're working with him at practice, and he's almost there, but not just yet.

Whiny Parent: Well, how come Jake gets to play first? My Johnny makes more plays than him.

Quiet Rage Coach: Let's cut to the chase. Johnny has missed more than half of the games and practices because of basketball, which tells me you really don't give a fuck about this team. At practice, Johnny is a mouthy little asshole who gives me nothing but attitude; whereas Jake is at every practice giving his all, and if Jake makes a couple of errors, so be it. And if YOU'RE so fucking knowlegable about everything, get off your bitchy, whiny ass, and YOU take a team next year -- and don't forget to take Johnny with you if you think he's so fucking wonderful. BUH-BYE.

A Meeting Worth Going To

It's no secret that I can't stand meetings. It's just people who like the sound of their own voice blathering on and on about how wonderful they are and how they're single handedly saving the world. This is the only meeting where I was jealous that I was not a participant. Finally, a meeting worth going to!

Hot Enough For Ya???

We are experiencing record heat here in California. Here's the latest news coverage:

The Catholic Church: Temple of Mind Control

No, I suppose I shouldn't just pick on the Catholics. Fill in with *just* about any organized religion and there it is. I feel I can pick on the Catholics as I was raised one, and being an offspring of William the Silent, rebelling against the Catholic Church is instilled in my DNA.

This past weekend I went to a full-blown Catholic First Holy Communion. The kids looked darling all spit-shined and pretty. Too bad they had no idea what was going on, or the significance of what they were doing. For those of you non-Catholics or non-organized religion, communion is the priest giving a bread wafer to the members of the congregation and a sip of wine that is to symbolize Christ's body and blood.

For the Catholics, receiving it for the first time is holy sacrament. As for Christ himself, he gave it to hookers, drunks, traitors, and whoever else happened to be around the table with Him at the time because Christ never instilled any silly rules associated with it.

As the first communion candidates lined up and had their bread wafer, the rest of the congregation followed. It reminded me of giving my puppy a treat. "Here, be a good little Catholic (puppy)and do as I say and I will reward you with a blessing (pat on the head and scratch on the belly) and a bread wafer treat; and therefore, remain in my good favor."

Again, I'm NOT anti-Christ. I'm very PRO Christ. I'm against the egotistical control freaks who pretend to act in His name.

Mexicans

I was brought up in a Midwestern, prejudiced household. I'm not passing any judgment about the way I was raised, I'm just saying like it was. Niggers, spics, chinks, towel-heads, jews, and the like were all pretty much lumped into one category -- they did not belong in lily-white-northern-European-Minnesota. Strangely enough, the Native Americans did not suffer the same degree of prejudice as the others. I wonder if it was because the whities stole their land.

I'm really ,really trying not to carry on any predisposed prejudices to my kids. Also, I'm really, really trying to understand the Mexican's side of the story rather than hold undeserved hostility towards them.

Maybe it's karma that my son is the only white boy in a class full of Mexicans. He has spent the better part of the semester asking sincere, heart-felt questions about their culture, and the Mexicans returning the curiosity with their own questions about the Gringo way of life. If you knew my son, you would know that his curiosity and questions are sincere, authentic, and based in dignity for all humans.

I think it would be great if both the Gringos and the Mexicans could get together in an honest, open exchange without blame or hostility. Rather, just ask sincere questions in a true attempt to understand. Here are my own questions for the Mexicans:

1. Why do illegal Mexicans here in the USA wave the Mexican flag when protesting? If they really want to be accepted into the USA as a citizen, why not wave the American flag?

2. The Mexicans are the first wave of immigrants that expects the US government to cater to their culture and language. Why?

Gringos are equally deserving of deeply examining their own culture. I know the Mexicans think that Gringos are too isolated from others in the family and in the community. They're right. We put up barriers around ourselves that are unhealthy and detrimental the the community and family.

Mexicans also feel the hostility at them by the Gringos. However, the Gringos depend on them for manual labor. Mexicans don't like being treated like shit. Again, the Mexicans are right.

Americans bitch about the illegal Mexicans, but yet in the same breath keep slipping them cash under the table to perform their shit work. Americans can't suck and blow at the same time. Americans either make the Mexicans part of legitimate society, or shut the fuck up and pay what labor is truly worth to fellow legal citizens.

Non-Shopper

I must have a defective woman gene: I HATE shopping. Why do I hate shopping? Well, shopping takes time and money -- two things I always seem to be short of. Besides, my house is full of shit, and the thought of bringing even more shit into the house is just too much for me to take. I'm trying to get RID of stuff, not bring more stuff in!

George Bush: Arrested Development

These photos prove the theory of evolution, much to the dismay of Bush's Bible Thumping supporter base. Actually, it proves arrested development within the theory of evolution.

Telemarketers

Yes, CG, I really do stuff junk mail credit card offer return envelopes with garbage from my office waste basket and mail it back to them. In fact, your comment inspired me to consider boxing up bulky old office equipment such as expired printers, fax machines, and whatever else I find in the depths of the closets and tape their postage-paid envelope to the front and give it a proper send-off at their expense. Whew! Let THEM dispose of it all. They've certainly asked me to dispose of more than my fair share of garbage over the years. Time to turn the tables, don't you think?

Which brings me to the subject of telemarketers. I allow myself to have fun with them as well -- it depends on my mood. If it's a survey call, I ask how long the survey takes. The person on the other end will say about 10-15 minutes. I then tell them that my time is worth $225 per hour, and if they'd like to pay me for the time it takes to answer their silly questions, then I'm in. They usually hang up.

The other response I play with is that I pretend I'm a mentally "challenged" person. I will mutter incoherently into the receiver, "Mamma? Is that you? My diaper needs changing and my ba-ba needs refilling. Are you on your way home?" Dead Silence on the other end.

Or, if I'm feeling just down-right bitchy, I will just scream into the phone at the top of my lungs, "FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Sick of Junk Mail? Get Even!

Are you sick of getting credit card offers in the mail? I sure as shit am. Despite reporting a watch on my credit because of possible fraud, my mailbox is still stuffed with credit card offers and other assorted shit daily. I've also requested my name and address removed from databases. My efforts are futile.

Instead of getting mad, I chose to get even. I used to shred the credit card offers. I now return the favor by mailing back the same shit they mail me with some added surprises. In addition to a credit application filled out with impossibly incomprehensible information, sometimes I will put in candy wrappers, chewed gum, soiled paper napkins, or other garbage in my office waste basket in their postage paid envelope and return it to them. Sometimes I will write a note accompanying the garbage saying, "Would you mind throwing this away for me?"

You're Gonna Lose That Girl

Beatles circa 1965. I love the proliferation of cigarette smoke -- especially from Ringo. Because of the "Better TV Censorship Nazi's" I don't think a music video today would be produced featuring any kind of tobacco consumption. However, if this video happened to feature gangsta's shooting up the joint with their ho's, somehow, that is permissible.

BRING BACK THE 1960'S!!!!!

Man of the House....

More Marriage Advice

Happy Anniversary CG and P

Happy Anniversary! I hope this venue suited your eveining.
xxoo
us

My Parents and the movie Fargo

My parents arrived here in California from Minnesota yesterday for a visit. Yes, I know their visit quickly follows the visit of my brother and his wife, but what the hell. They drive out here each spring to visit with us and be with the grand kids. My parents choose to drive instead of fly despite the fact my father had a pilot's license. I'll leave you to fill in the blanks about the airline industry.

I've lived in California longer than my birthplace of Minnesota. Last night, when my mother and I were cleaning up the kitchen, she asked me where I purchased my kitchen sink gadget. My reply was, "Oh Geez. I don't remember where I got that."

It was the "Oh, Geez" that I interjected that got my mother howling with laughter. She immediately made reference to the movie Fargo where they used that term ad nauseum in poking fun at Minnesotans. My mother laughed because she thought that after so many years of myself being in California that my Minnesotan roots were abandoned. She referenced that "Oh, Geez" saying as one of Uncle Joe's staple responses. I felt quietly complimented. Being that I was not even conscience of even SAYING "Oh, Geez" I guess I'm not so far removed from Minnesota as I thought.

Where I got to turn the laughter around was when my mother went off on how the movie Fargo was fraud because none of it was actually filmed in Fargo. Long story short: It's sad when you can differentiate the homogeneous landscape of half a continent.